“It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.” — Wayne Dyer
With Hurricane Irene bulldozing up the East Coast this weekend and disrupting lives, we are reminded of how little we are truly in control of our lives. Yes, we often try desperately to maintain control and enjoy living in the illusion that we do, but the truth is that we are interconnected with other beings and the environment in a way that will always bring a measure of unpredictability into our lives. In fact, our lives depend on those interconnections to provide food, water, air, shelter, companionship, and that ever elusive life purpose.
I am teaching a new graduate course this semester on Sustainable Urban Systems where I am treading into the new (for me) space of social justice. A local attorney and activist on social justice issues, Valerie McWilliams, lent me a video called Unnatural Causes that explores the health implications of socio-economic inequities. The video describes studies that have shown significantly shorter lifespans and more disease among people who are lower on the socio-economic “ladder” in the U.S. While this is not overly surprising in and of itself, the reason cited for the health differences was a surprise to me: lack of control. After adjusting for different diets, exercise, environments, and other factors, researchers concluded that people in worse socio-economic circumstances have less control in their jobs and personal lives. This leads to greater stress, which causes measurably higher chronic levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their blood stream, which in turn causes more health problems. These effects were shown to be true at all levels from extreme poverty to extreme wealth, with even middle-class people having higher stress-related health problems than those who are wealthier.
I find this fascinating because, as I mentioned, we really never have true control over our lives, no matter how wealthy or educated we might become. Life or death circumstances can arise in a moment for anyone, although certainly those circumstances can arise more frequently for those with insufficient resources to meet basic needs. In fact, in times like today, where the uncertainty of our future circumstances can be so great for anyone, stress levels are high for many people across the socio-economic spectrum. Uncertainty is so challenging that there is often great relief when a situation comes to resolution, even if it is not resolved in the way we had hoped.
Recently I was talking with my meditation teacher, Sandra Hammond, about the many uncertainties in my life, both personally (with my father’s ongoing cancer) and professionally (with my current position as Associate Provost Fellow ending last week and my ongoing quest for new leadership opportunities). She pointed out that the term “uncertainty” is problematic because it implies that the circumstances will be resolved at some point in the future and become certain, thereby relieving the stress. However, we often don’t realize whether particular outcomes are “good” or “bad” until long after they occur, if at all. Cases abound of people who have lost jobs and thought their world was ending, only to eventually find a new opportunity that is significantly better than what they had before. There is a Chinese story about a white horse that beautifully conveys this message of the potential for blessings in disguise. Sandra suggested that the word “ambiguous” would be a better choice than “uncertain,” as we live in often ambiguous circumstances that will never have true clarity.
Rather than seeking to have more control in our lives, perhaps it would be better to strive for more resilience. Merriam-Webster defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” As I mentioned in a previous post, The Times Are Always Changing and we make ourselves miserable by trying to cling to the past or reject our current circumstances. Far better to assess all of the information at hand and make the decision about what to do now that will have the best likelihood of a desired outcome in the future. Once the decision is made, we can then use the feedback we receive to adjust and adapt as circumstances warrant. As to what we might do in the future or unpleasant outcomes that could happen, those are only relevant to the extent that it influences what we need to do now. If there is nothing we can do now to change potential future outcomes, then there is no point in thinking about them.
Of course, this all sounds very simple and I realize that it is far from it. As I started writing this post, I was waiting to hear from my parents in New Jersey, as the eye of Hurricane Irene passed right over their home this morning. I talked with them last night and they promised to call as soon as the worst had passed, but no word had come as of 1 PM EDT. FEMA is saying not to tie up the phone lines with non-emergency calls, so I didn’t want to make a call myself. I sent a text message and an e-mail and then I could only wait to hear from them. Meanwhile, my mind was spinning out all sorts of stories, despite the fact that their home is on top of a hill and flooding is not even an issue, although power outages or downed trees are certainly a possibility. The key point in dealing with these stories is to step back from them and realize that they are just that: stories. Having mental resilience means being able to let the stories play without paying much attention to them. One helpful technique is to focus not on the story itself, but on my reaction to the story. If I try to focus on that reaction (usually annoyance), I find that it often drifts away, sometimes along with the story, and equanimity returns. Because everything always passes sooner or later.
And in case you were wondering, my mother just sent a message back saying they are fine and busy cleaning up branches and water in the basement, but still have power. I know there are others who were far less fortunate during this storm and my heart goes out to them. Because not everyone has the resources or capacity for resilience, and the suffering can be immense. All we can do is try to help where we can.
Barbara Minsker
August 28, 2011